


Gap

by ma_jewelry



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2019-02-04 07:10:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12765780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ma_jewelry/pseuds/ma_jewelry
Summary: 19 year-old student Donghae believes that his life is close to perfect. Because even if any problems arise, he knows he can overcome them with the support of his 27 year-old boyfriend, CEO Eunhyuk. But when people start acting weird, suddenly disappear from his life, or create confusion by simply existing, Donghae doesn't know what to do to make things right again. In the end, he chooses to stand back and let it just happen.





	1. Chapter 1

His single-lidded eyes, hidden behind sunglasses and the dark tint of his car window, stared transfixed on the teenager wearing a mickey mouse shirt even after he disappeared through the front doors of the university. The black haired man leaned back on the leather car seat and let out a deep sigh, battling with his inner conscience without seeing a solution to his problem.

 “You can’t keep hiding him forever. He’s just a kid, Hyukjae.”

“No he’s not, he’s turning twenty this year- he’s an adult already. And didn’t I tell you to stop calling me Hyukjae? When we are in public I am Eunhyuk- your CEO- your superior. Don’t forget that, my employee.”

“Yeah right, _Hyukjae_. We’re not exactly working right now are we? Anyways, I’ve known you since we were born. After twenty-seven years of knowing each other, do you think you can hide things from me? Even if Donghae is of legal age, you can’t deny that he’s just a kid and you are taking advantage of him if you continue like this.”

His eyebrows pulled together as he closed his eyes, taking off his sunglasses and chucking it carelessly onto the passenger seat beside him. ‘Taking advantage’, huh? But Donghae had been the one to confess to him one year ago. Donghae had been the one that would not give up, using his father’s working position in the company as an excuse to see Eunhyuk everyday ‘by accident’ and confess to him every time, until he at last won him over with those big, sorrowful eyes.

He admits that a large part of the reason why he hadn’t agreed at first was because of the exact same things that Sungmin had warned him about during dinner last night. The lecture had been prompted as he once again ditched his blind date that his parents had set up for him, for dragging Sungmin to a bar instead so he could drink all his frustrations away

“Minnie, what should I do…. I can’t tell them about Donghae… but there’s no way I’m letting him go.” He had taken off his tie and unbuttoned the top two buttons of his usual white business shirt because it was “too hot”. As the black haired man slumped across the table with his head rested over one extended arm, and took occasional swigs from the bottle in the other hand, Sungmin was busy giving deadly stares to any girl (of which there were a _lot_ ) that approached them, being attracted by the handsome male with flushed cheeks who looked like he had just broken up with his girlfriend.

Sighing to himself and wondering how he managed to put up with this for so long, Sungmin tried to help Hyukjae by stating his real feelings- “You know, you can’t keep hiding him forever. He’s just a kid, Hyukjae.”

He lifted both his index fingers and began rubbing his temples in hopes of soothing the headache of the hangover. In fact, the action was so successful that he didn’t even register falling asleep, but it must have happened because the next thing he knew, he was woken by a constant knocking on the outside of his window. Turning his head to the left, a face with angelic features came into view, and Eunhyuk simply stared at him through the one-way window that obscured vision from the outside. Donghae’s eyes were even wider than normal, tinted with worry from the lack of response he was getting, and he was biting down on his bottom lip with an adorably cute row of teeth.

He gave up after a while and decided to call the older man, but before he could pull out his phone, the window rolled down to reveal a man dressed perfectly in full business attire, looking up at him with an unreadable expression on his face.

A wide beam of crooked teeth welcomed his presence. “Hyuk! There you are! I knocked for so long I thought you weren’t in there. Did you miss-”

The brunette was cut off by a fist grabbing his shirt softly but firmly, pulling him towards the window. He closed his eyes in embarrassment as the elder pressed his lips against his own in public, but did not struggle one single bit.

“Of course I missed you. Even for a second, I wish you would never leave my sight. So how much do you think I missed you in these last two hours?”


	2. Chapter 2

“Where do you want to go today?”

Donghae could never get rid of the small jolt of fear whenever the other took his eyes off the road, just so he could stare at the brunette next to him. He’d scolded him so many times before, but the man of course never listened- instead his eyes latched themselves onto the younger, this time past a few strands of black fringe that escaped from his hair gel.

“Stop looking at me and concentrate on driving! I know you’re good at driving, no need to show off.” His words were reprimanding yet his fingers were soft as they brushed the stray locks of hair out of his face, lingering on the sharp angle of his chin for a fleeting second.

The corner of the elder’s lips stretched upwards, and he reached out to grab the wrist before it retracted. He brought it close to his mouth- so close that Donghae could feel ghosts of cold breath dancing across his fingers- and imprinted a chaste kiss on the veiny hand. “Why don’t we go to the amusement park. There’s a new feature there that just came out, and it’s been a while since we last went.”

Donghae was completely relaxed in his seat. Although his hand was still grabbed tightly in the other’s lap, at least Eunhyuk’s eyes were where they should be now. “Yes! But… I didn’t bring a jacket with me today, or else it would be the perfect date.”

The driver chuckled, “You put a spare jacket in the back, remember? Last time this happened on our first date, you didn’t want to get embarrassed in front of me, so you said you weren’t cold. Then you got sick and _I_ was the one who had to look after you for a whole week. I still remember how whiny you were when your temperature got too high.” His tightened his fingers in order to stop the hand in his hold moving, most likely downward to pinch him so he’d stop talking. “…Anyways, then you felt so guilty that you put a spare jacket in the back of the car- which, by the way, has been there for months and I can’t believe I haven’t thrown it away yet with how disgusting it must be- in preparation for accidents like today.”

Donghae wanted to pull his hand out, but resisted the urge because it wasn’t often that Eunhyuk talked so much. Every day he was so busy with work that on days like today, when he’d take the whole day off just for Donghae, he was allowed to find his usually lacked amusement (even if Donghae was the one suffering on the other end).

“It’s not _disgusting_ , because I folded it neatly and put it in a bag so it wouldn’t get dirty. But do you remember, after that time, you said you had figured out when I was lying and were bragging that you could always tell it in the future?”

“Well it’s not _bragging_ if it’s true.” Donghae pretended to look outside the window and smiled. Yes, he’s falling for it, he thought.

“No it’s not. I just lied a few minutes ago, and you couldn’t even tell.” There was a hint of a pout in his voice and Eunhyuk’s heart softened uncontrollably at the teasing tone.

“I’ll have to apologize later then won’t I? So what was it that I missed?” He couldn’t believe that he, a twenty seven year old executive of a substantially successful company, was playing along so naturally with the younger’s childishness. Even more, he couldn’t believe how he was not used to this already, with how many times it had happened.

“I said that, if I had a jacket, then it would be the perfect date.”

“…...”

“……”

“And?”

Donghae faked an exaggerated sigh. “You would think that the CEO of Lee Enterprises, one of the biggest companies in the country, was smart! But no, it’s all an act! He has been pretending all these years!”

“… very funny, Donghae. Now be serious. Tell me.” Even though he couldn’t see the older man’s eyes, he was sure they just rolled at him. But he didn’t care. He outsmarted his boyfriend. Donghae smiled triumphantly with a full row of teeth.

“I lied, because……”

Eunhyuk was fully prepared for whatever nonsense the other could come up with, thinking he was experienced with his antics already. But as much as he tried, he still couldn’t have prepared his heart from feeling like it would melt on the spot, hearing the rest of the unquestionably sincere line.

“… as long as I am with you, the date would be perfect.” 

*

It was not the first time he had declined Donghae’s offer to stay the night. Similarly, he had never asked the younger for anything more than kisses. Eunhyuk knew he loved him- that was a certainty- but love made one more precautious, more afraid, and Eunhyuk would not risk even the tiniest thing when it came to his boyfriend.

He checked his phone while dropping down onto the sofa. For some weird reason, the tight leather below was something he could never get used to; he would much rather relax into a spongy softness. But he had to keep up appearances when clients came to visit, just like how he had to keep up his “perfect” image to anyone who didn’t know about his fights with his family.

His eyebrows locked together upon reading the usual texts from his father, going over the hundred reasons of why he should marry the daughter of the CEO from their partner company; not a single one of them proved valid. This time though, there was something else that was like the last straw that landed on him, tipping him over the edge of the cliff he had tried so desperately to hold onto.

“Eunhyuk, how many times do I have to remind you? You can have your flings with that boy and whoever else you’d like. I know you’re still young and you might like to experiment, but you must settle down soon with a proper marriage. Our stocks are already at risk, and today one of my clients was telling me they saw you with that boyfriend of yours at an amusement park! Do you know how damaging this is to the company’s image? I told them that you were overseas the whole day today so it can’t have been you, but the same excuses won’t work again next time. As your father, I am pleading you- think about your future, and not just short-term pleasure.”

If this was the first, or even the hundredth time that this had happened, Eunhyuk would brush it off just like before, telling him that this is not a ‘fling’ or an ‘experiment’, he doesn’t have to marry that girl for a ‘proper marriage’, and he _is_ always thinking about his future- the future with him and Donghae together.

But the truth was that it wasn’t, and from day one, there had been nothing but oppositions from almost everyone around them. It was funny, actually, seeing the groups and groups of people who started to avoid him, because they thought thatbeing with Donghae would only lead to his failure so there was no ‘use’ to be around Eunhyuk anymore. The only ones that had remained were not many in number, and even they were skeptical about them.

If only Eunhyuk wasn’t in such a position that demanded that exact, perfect image. If only he was not born into this status.

After releasing his tightly clenched fists and taking a deep breath, he made up his mind and dialed a number 

*

“Sungmin, I don’t know what to do anymore. Please, please, you have to help me. You’re the one I trust the most. You have to help me. Only you can help me.” There were already countless bottles in front of the dark haired man, who was once again slumped across the table, a layer of desperation glazed over his eyes.

He actually wanted to cry too, looking at the distressed state of his best friend. Why was it that there was no end to suffering? No matter what situation you were in, even if you were born into a wealthy, happy family like Eunhyuk, he still faced as many (if not even more) hardships as anyone else. Sungmin wanted to help him. He really did. But he also knew how hard it would be if his plan indeed worked out.

“Eunhyuk, do you remember that thing I told you about a few weeks ago?”

“Min, you’re not suggesting….” He looked shocked.

“Eunhyuk-ah, sometimes, we have to give up some things in order to achieve others. Have you forgotten?”

“But Min, there are some things I can’t give up. I don’t want to. I don’t know how to.

“What about his happiness? Do you not even care about Donghae’s happiness anymore?” He didn’t know why he was trying to persuade Eunhyuk. This is was not what Sungmin wanted. However he knew that Donghae’s happiness would make Eunhyuk happy too, so there was really nothing else he should’ve done.

“Min, I…. I can’t.”

He sighed. “At least try, ok?”

The black-haired man lifted his head. There was a battle going on in his mind- he struggled against the two parts inside himself, until one side admitted defeat and the other side dreaded its victory. He nodded once.

He would give up _anything_ for Donghae’s happiness.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

"Hyuk! Guess what I got you!"

Donghae had excitement written all over his features, his hands hidden behind his back and a smile wide across his face. Meanwhile, the other was busy taking off his heavy coat as some snowflakes dusted off onto the floor, settling like jewel drops next to a not-so-discreetely hidden cardboard box. It stood out in the spotless doorway like an eye sore, almost unidentifiable after barely surviving the wind and rain. Within it there was a dirty rag, scrunched up in the outline of an ball, as if something had been tucked inside a few moments ago 

No matter how much Donghae liked to joke about it, Eunhyuk's IQ was undeniably high, and so he answered the shorter man while only pretending to be 'curious'.

"What is it? You know I don't need anything, you didn't have to do this for me."

His smile grew even wider. How happy would Eunhyuk be when he saw his gift! Although anyone who was brave enough to suffer Eunhyuk's glare (nobody dared) would point out that it was more a gift for Donghae rather than the former, he was sure that they would both love it, sooner or later. "I didn't do much, really, I was just walking back as usual-"

 "Did you have an umbrella?" The elder cut him off as he unwrapped his own scarf and hung it onto the rack."Um...... yes?" He replied with a hint of guilt. "Ok, I didn't. I'm sorry.... I promise to take a cab next time! But we can talk about that later. Your gift is waiting for you!" He fidgeted again, impatient.

Eunhyuk felt somewhat sorry for the animal that Donghae was undoubtedly holding, whatever it was. The student had never had a pet before- did he know how to look after one? An image of Donghae crying after accidentally dropping the animal made him gulp, and he finished taking off his outer clothes at a quicker speed. 

Seeing that he was ready, Donghae took a deep breath and brought his hands to the front. So small that it could fit into just one of his palms, there sat a dazed-looking Pomeranian puppy. Its eyes were so big that they almost made up half of its face, and what golden brown fur it had glowed softly after the careful bath before. As both men held their breaths in silence- Donghae towards the puppy and Eunhyuk towards the look in the student's loving eyes- the small bundle of fur gave out a tiny yip that pierced the hearts of both grown men irreversably.

Donghae's smile turned nervous now. What if Eunhyuk didn't like her? This was Eunhyuk's apartment, where Donghae always came after football practices on weekends, and he hadn't brought the puppy home because his dorm did not allow pets there. If Eunhyuk didn't want her to stay then she would have nowhere else to go except a pet shop, which were all notorious for only caring about the outer appearance of animals and not their health. The brunette's eyes mirrored that of the animal he was holding, as they both peered up at the tallest man.

Eunhyuk wanted to chuckle at this comical scene, but Sungmin's words appearing out of nowhere made him hesitate. This wasn't right. He shouldn't be welcoming another member into their relationship. He had other, much more important, ties to break. Now wasn't the time to relax- that could always come later

"Donghae, I know how much you like animals, and I must admit that this one is very cute, but I just don't have the time and effort to look after a puppy right now. It can stay here for the meantime, while I look for someone who can raise it, but that's the most I can do. Thank you for the gift, but... I'm sorry that it can't stay with me." All of this was said to the puppy. He didn't have the heart to look into Donghae's eyes.

"But... wait.... Hyuk, you don't have to look after it on your own! I'll help you, I'll come here every day, or if that's not enough, I'll move-

"Donghae." The tone was stern yet rushed. Was Eunhyuk scared of something? "Every decision I make has already considered all the factors, so that's the final answer. You must be tired, being out in the snow, rescuing this dog... why don't you go home early today to have a rest? 

The younger was disappointed and confused. He felt like crying, but held it in.

"Ok then. Bye, Hyuk. Have a good Sunday." He didn't know why Eunhyuk was acting this way all of a sudden.

"See you later, Donghae."

The small pup was handed gingerly over to the dark haired man, before its giver dressed himself for battling the weather outside. He watched as a hand extended- a hand which had once held itself out to him- to open the door for his exit.

He stepped outside. Seeing the puppy's large pondering eyes made him want to ask the other what had happened, because something surly must have. But what was the use if he didn't want to tell him?

He petted the animal one last time, turned around, and walked away.

Eunhyuk stood in the doorway for a long time even after a back view could no longer be seen. There was so much to say. So much that hadn't been said. So much that he couldn't tell him. 

The cold gusts circling in the doorway made both figures shiver, as the smaller of the two whimpered in complaint. Eunhyuk only closed his eyes, and whispered,

"Have a good Sunday, Donghae-ah.

**

Donghae sat in his chair, playing mindlessly with his pen while waiting for class to start. It was Monday, but the day of the week shouldn't be blamed for him being almost the only one present. After all, Donghae was a whole hour early.

He just didn't want to stay at home anymore. After the semi-fight with Eunhyuk (that's what he thinks it is, anyways), seeing the other's things everywhere around his house only made him more frustrated from their constant reminders. It was not the first time they had fought, but normally it was the other way around- Donghae would be the one who didn't reveal why he felt down, and Eunhyuk would be the one trying to find out why. If this excuse wasn't enough, his dad had also wanted him to go home to celebrate his promotion, and he didn't want to be forced to make conversation with his father's friends, so wasting time by arriving early seemed the best option.

The result saw a brunette with an unreadable yet sorrowful expression leaning with his head on one of his hands, fiddling with a pen in the other. A silver phone lied face up in front of him, so that any notifications could be seen at one glance.

Though it would be wrong to assume that he was 'sad'. It wasn't his fault that he had a default sad face; if he could choose it would definitely look nicer. But he obviously couldn't, which only made him more surprised when in his peripheral vision, someone sat down next to him.

Donghae wasn't antisocial, or had any problems with someone sitting there, but he was a bit wary. Why had this person also come so early? Why did they sit right next to him, when this position wasn't exactly the best in the room for reading off the board, and why did they just poke his right arm with their index finger?!

"I'm... sorry for interrupting, but could you please help me with something?"

Donghae's head was still on his hand, bent down, and his eyes widened when he at first heard the voice without seeing the person's face. It was just..... so similar to Eunhyuk's voice. In fact, it was identical. Except that it sounded a bit lost, and Eunhyuk would never speak to him like that. His eyes fell. Eunhyuk, if he had any worries, would always keep them to himself, never sharing them with Donghae. He never complained, and although the younger knew he probably would be of no help anyways, he still wanted his boyfriend to share his bad days with him, not just his good ones.

"Um....." That soft voice dragged him back from his thoughts and he realized with embarrassment that he had just zoned out and ignored the person. He lifted his head to utter an apology, but instead had to use every single cell in his body to not scream into the other's face from shock.

How was this possible?!

Was this a prank? How was this supposed to be explained? Why would he prank him like this? Why???

"Hyuk, what the hell are you doing? Why are you dressed like that and why is your hair dyed and why are you here?!"

The other person seemed flustered and a bit taken back. Donghae smiled at his cuteness and leaned forward to embrace the other in a welcome. No matter how weird he looked right now, he was still his Hyuk and he still adored him to bits.

This time the other person stood up and backed away slightly. He looked a little shocked, which in fact made him cuter in Donghae's eyes, and his cheeks were heating up slowly.

"I.. Uh..... do you know me? I mean, of course not, since I don't know you, but... how did you know my name?" His single-lidded eyes were wide, making them even bigger than their already-large size. Donghae was suddenly reminded of the puppy he had picked up yesterday.

"Hyuk, stop joking with me. Why are you here?" He was confused at why the other was acting this way. Did this have anything to do with the weirdness he showed last night 

"I.... I don't understand what.... I'll just introduce myself to make sure you haven't recognized me as someone else. Uh...." He bowed awkwardly, wedged between the desk and chair, and Donghae almost giggled. "My name is Lee Hyukjae, I am in my first year and also taking this class. I just transferred here from another university, and I think I got the time wrong since no one seems to be here right now. Well.... except for you. So I thought I'd come to ask you, but..." He trailed off, not knowing how to explain what had just happened.

Donghae continued to stare at the man and studied him closely. He was wearing a light blue jacket, too large for his thin body, with tight black jeans underneath. They were all clearly not clothes from famous brands, like Eunhyuk always wore, and said man would also never be seen dead in something as.... cute casual as this. The man in front of him looked exactly the same height as Eunhyuk, except his hair was not black and styled up- it was a platinum brown, settled in its natural state, and looked so soft it could rival that of the puppy's last night. Donghae had no idea why this man reminded him so much of the small animal.

But the most significant thing about the male, was that his face was exactly the same as Eunhyuk's. Although he was about a meter away, his almond eyes, defined jawline, plump lips... all were exactly the same as the face of the one who had sent him away last night

Under his judging stare, the standing male fidgeted uncomfortably. Was he afraid of his prank being revealed? Donghae thought, forgetting that his behavior was actually quite rude, especially if the other was telling the truth

After many, many repeated replies of "Yes" as the answer to "Are you really telling the truth?", Donghae remained skeptical but decided to play along. If he was Eunhyuk, he'd have done this for a reason so Donghae should do his best to help him. They exchanged phone numbers, because even though Donghae seemed "a bit weird", he looked like "an interesting person who maybe could help him with other things too". Donghae wasn't sure if "interesting" was supposed to be a compliment. He accepted it as one nevertheless.

It was not long before other students started arriving, and the class finally started. Throughout the whole session, the male- Hyukjae, as he called himself- was entirely focused on the lesson and only talked to Donghae about one or two questions he didn't understand. The latter of course could not concentrate for even a second when there was someone sitting next to him who looked like his boyfriend yet claimed not to be. Especially since their names were also so similar. Lee Eunhyuk... Lee Hyukjae. Donghae's head began to hurt from all the possibilities this situation could be explained by, because there was absolutely none he could think of. He decided to wait and see what would happen.

***

He hadn't heard from the other man for the whole week, so it was understandable for him to want to decline the invitation, right? Donghae was a bit angry. Eunhyuk had basically disappeared from his life after one short message- "The dog (i've named her Choco) is with my sister so you can visit her anytime you want. I'm going overseas for work, will be back later this week." and then nothing at all until Saturday. The brunette scrolled down with a flick of his fingers, ending at the latest messages. "There's an office party tonight to celebrate our success earlier this week. Do you want to come?" And then a few seconds later, as if it was an afterthought, "My parents are going too." 

Knowing Eunhyuk, these two messages revealed so many things that Donghae didn't want to understand, but did. The older man never said anything without explaining it, so when he did say things on its own, the significance was often great. The last message was not something he forgot to say, because he didn't explain why that should matter when he was asking Donghae to go or not. The reason he added that was therefore clear to Donghae and made him slightly nervous. Eunhyuk's parents disliked Donghae. But the former still wanted him to come even if his parents were there, so it meant that he wanted to resolve the conflict between them by bringing Donghae into the public and declaring their relationship.

The brunette initially wanted to meet him privately and ask him about Lee Hyukjae, yet he knew what a big step tonight would be if he agreed to go. So he pushed that thought back before confirming, and the reply was almost instant. Obviously Eunhyuk had been waiting for him.

"I'll come over at 5 with your clothes. it's quite formal so you'll need a suit."

***

It was the first time he travelled in a limo, so it was understandable how Donghae was overcome with excitement rather than nervousness. He explored all corners of the luxiourious vehicle, picking up bit and pieces to inspect them, and even made faces out the window just because of the complete one-way opaqueness. In contrast, Eunhyuk sat still in the center of the long seat, seemingly immersed in the phone in his hands. Every now and then he would look up to answer some of Donghae's questions about tonight, which were all vague and not about anything between them. Such as the fact that they had to hire a limo just to keep up the elder's reputation in front of the hundreds of guests that were also going to be there. The atmosphere wasn't uncomfortable, but they had never been like this before. Donghae felt like there was something Eunhyuk wasn't telling him, something that would impact him greatly when it was revealed, because it already changed their moods so much right now.

He finally settled down opposite Eunhyuk, and the scene inside the limo would look like an art piece if it was captured. The two men wore matching suits- the dark haired man in all black, and the brunette in all white. The light was dim, casting shadows onto the face of the latter as he leaned forward with his elbows on his legs and hands crossed together, gazing at the man opposite whose head was lowered, his expression unreadable. Donghae opened his mouth to say something, when both their bodies jerked simultaneously. They had arrived.

Eunhyuk checked his phone one last time before stepping out of the opened door into a sea of flashing lights. He tried to calm himself- not from the mass of cameras, he was used to that by now- but from the reassurance of the message he had just closed. "We're ready to welcome him."

After showcasing a professional smile, the man turned back around and reached out a hand. The corners of his lips softened with genuiness and encouragement at the person inside the car. Donghae took a deep breath. Once he left this car, he wasn't just 'Donghae' anymore. People would associate him with Eunhyuk, and Eunhyuk with him, so he needed to try hard to look his best for the both of them. He dug his nails harshly into the outstretched fingers in front of him and stepped out into a night that was brighter than day.

In the past, he had seen events like this, but he was on the other end of the focus. Now he was actually scared. The blinding lights, piercing questions, deafening screams, and overwhelming attention made him want to go back straight into the limo and hide there. He felt his numb fingers being spread open by warmer ones, and he was then tugged forward by his hand locked tightly in another. His legs felt weak, but somehow he managed to cross most of the hideous carpet beneath him, seeming to have no end. 

Suddenly, a much louder gasp sounded close to him and distracted him for a second. He turned his head to find a girl in a silky pink dress, collapsed on the ground with shock, anger, and embarrassment over her delicate features. She was rubbing one of her ankles, close to tears, and was pointing at Donghae with another shaking hand. The attention of every single camera was now focused on this area, and the questions started changing in tone.

"Did you push her to the ground?"

"Did you two have a fight?"

"Were you in a relationship together?"

Donghae's head was swelling so much it was going to burst. What had happened? One moment he was walking, and then the next she was on the ground. He had barely even brushed past her, let alone knock her to the ground! Instead of explaining himself, all the student did was to stand there with a horrified expression on his face, which could easily be mistaken as guilt.

A manager of the party had arrived and was starting to inspect the situation. The CEO himself was involved, even if just indirectly, so he had to make sure this was dealt with not even a chance for mistakes.

"What happened?" He asked the girl who fell, motioning for medical help to come.

"He... he pushed me, and then I tripped over." She was trying hard not to let any tears fall, her eyes brimming full with liquid. He cast a short glance toward Donghae, who stayed frozen.

The manager then asked around some of the crowd who were standing right next to the incident on the other side of the barrier. They all agreed that they didn't see everything clearly, but the brunette was definitely walking towards her from behind, and they were very close when she started to fall. It seemed obvious. The boy had knocked her over on accident. There was something that seemed a bit off, but he pushed that thought back to deal with this situation first.

"Madam, it seems like it was just an accident. So if you would please accept an apology from this gentleman, and then feel free to rest in one of the private rooms that we have prepared for you to treat your injuries.

"But I didn't even touch her."

The manager frowned. He did not ask anything of the boy, just a simple apology, because that was the most he could do to show respect for the person who he came with. But the boy not only threw away this kind gesture, and even dared to make more problems? His eyes grew hard.

"Sir, if you would please apologize to the madam, and then enter quickly. There are still guests waiting to come in, and if you stay here only more troubles will arise." 

"But I didn't even touch her. Hyuk......" He was about to say more before he was cut off.

"Sir, if you do not do what I have just asked of you, I'm afraid we will have to arrange transportation for you to leave now."

Nobody moved or said anything for a few seconds. Then, shocking everybody and raising the tension even higher than thought possible, Eunhyuk let go of Donghae's hand.

He sounded tired. "Donghae, just say sorry and we can go in. He's only doing his job, it's not personal or anything."

The younger's heart shattered. He didn't believe him. Didn't he say that no matter what happened, he would always stand on his side? This was nothing big, but it was always the little things that had the potential to break someone's heart. Donghae tried one last time.

"Hyuk, do _you_ not believe me? I would apologize if I really did do it, but I didn't."

Eunhyuk said nothing. He just stood there, waiting.

Finally, Donghae let out one breath of pitiful laughter, and walked back before slamming the door to a cab going home.  


	4. Chapter 4

It didn’t help seeing that face every single day of week, when all Donghae wanted to do was lock himself inside his room and survive on takeaways and tears for the rest of his life. But he was not a kid anymore, he had responsibilities, and so every day he dragged himself to the classes he needed to be at, trying to ignore that person who had his boyfriend’s face.

Apart from that first encounter, there was nothing unnatural about Lee Hyukjae at all. He was like any other classmate, despite being a bit on the shy side and preferring to sit by himself, he came to class as normal without any unnecessary interactions with Donghae. Yet this made the latter grow even more curious about him, because he was still unsure of his real identity.

After that ‘incident’, his anger directed itself towards the innocent classmate for a while. He couldn’t help it, since he was adamant about giving Eunhyuk the silent treatment at least for a week or so, but his attempt at distancing himself from his boyfriend was defeated by Lee Hyukjae unintentionally. To be precise, defeated by his face. It was not his fault that he had the same face as the CEO, and looked impossibly cuter than his boyfriend due to his more frequent smiles. Donghae didn’t notice, but his classmate was getting more and more of his attention in the period of time that he decided to ignore Eunhyuk. He even felt a little disappointed that the boy had not tried to contact him at all, after they exchanged numbers that morning.

 

***

 

It was after a whole month that Donghae really began to worry. He had just finished all his exams for the semester, which had taken up most of his time and concentration, so much that he sometimes even forgot about his boyfriend. The older man had also been quiet for the whole month; an unexpected situation for Donghae. Although he thought it was supposed to be the other who apologized first this time, he knew that they couldn’t keep on going with the lack of communication between them. That was the perfect pathway to a break up, after all.

After thinking it through, the student decided to go straight to him in person. He didn’t want to be ignored through texts, and believed that talking face to face was always better than unemotional words on a screen. He was prepared for anything. To argue, to make up, or even to wait for another day because he was away. But he still faced an unexpected surprise when he reached the company.

“What do you mean, I can’t go in? Do you not recognize me? I’m Eunhyuk’s b… I know the CEO!”

“I’m sorry, sir, but I’m new here so I wouldn’t know that. If you do not have an appointment with our staff, I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

Donghae was shocked. What should he do now? His mind turned rapidly and he tried another way to get in. He knew where the older man’s office was, so he didn’t need to be led there. He just needed to get past those doors.

“Hello? Dad? It’s Donghae.”

“Donghae! Has the sun risen from the west? Do you know how long it’s been since you’ve called?”

“I know, dad, I’m sorry. School’s been really busy these past weeks and I… I promise I’ll go back and visit home soon. Anyways, are you in your office? I need to ask you a favour.”

“Well, yes, I am in my office, but-“

“That’s great! I mean, um, can you come down here and take me inside? Pleease? The receptionist person changed and they don’t even recognize me…”

“Donghae, I don’t know whether to laugh at you or be disappointed. Do you not remember why I asked you to come home last month?”

There was an uneasy feeling that began to pool in the bottom of his stomach. No, this couldn’t be.

“I…. um… oh yeah, you said you got a promotion! Congratulations! But what does that have to do…”

“Donghae, I’m not at my previous office in Seoul anymore. I’ve moved to another base, in Incheon.”

There was a long period of silence. Then he remembered that the line was still on.

“Ok, I’m really sorry for forgetting that, and also for not visiting. I’ll call you guys later, ok?”

“Donghae...... Take care of yourself.”

“Alright dad, I will, you too. Bye!” He hung up.

 

***

 

He chose to walk home instead of taking the usual bus. The wind whipped across his face, and he was glad of its effect on keeping his head clear. There were so many things happening, and so many he didn’t know, that he didn’t even want to think about what the truth might be.

Donghae always had a sixth-sense that most often turned out correct. He used to be mocked for it, but in reality it was just because he was more sensitive than others. All these things that had happened- him not being able to see Eunhyuk, his father moving places, Eunhyuk ignoring him- they were not a coincidence. It was as if… Donghae did not want to admit this… but it was as if something, or someone was trying to cut off Eunhyuk away from his life.

He felt helpless. Suddenly his own insignificance dawned on him, as he stood in the center of a busy city working like a machine around him, and he felt alone. Tears welled up in his eyes and soon they were staining his whole face with their icy touch. It didn’t matter how bad things got. To him, that never mattered. But when he didn’t know what to do next, when he didn’t even know  _how_ bad of a situation he was in, that was when he was really afraid.

As he cried on the side of the street, Donghae wished there was someone he could cry to.

 

He stood there for god knows how long, when he felt a light poke behind his right shoulder. Wiping his face with one sleeve, he turned around to see the reason of his tears standing there.

His eyebrows scrunched up again.

“No! Wait, don’t cry! I just… I was just walking and then I saw you standing here, so I thought….”

The brunette calmed down rather quickly when he realized that this person was Lee Hyukjae and not… him. He opened his mouth slightly, as if to try to explain, but realised he couldn’t explain it. He didn’t even understand it himself.

Lee Hyukjae looked at him with worry in his eyes, hidden but still visible under his shyness.

“If you need anyone to talk to, um… I suppose I’m here…”

This only made more streams run down the other’s face, and the taller student looked like he too was about to cry.

“Wait, I’m sorry… was it something I said? Um… what should I do… don’t cry…please…”

In his desperation, he leaned forwards and softly wrapped his arms around the other boy, patting his back. It wasn’t exactly a hug- just his palms and forearms were touching the other’s back and shoulders, but it was the most he felt like he could do.

The two boys stood on the side of the street, one in tears and one on the verge of it. Different thoughts ran through their heads, and different obstacles lay ahead of them, but at this exact moment, at least they were not alone.

 

***

 

From that moment onwards, Donghae realised he had gained a precious friend. Lee Hyukjae not only shared the same interests as him, such as playing football, dancing, and singing, but their personalities seemed to match in a surprisingly wide variety of ways, too. In their increased number of times when they hung out, Donghae felt truly gifted to have met someone like Lee Hyukjae in his life.

He would be lying to himself if those were the only reasons he got close to the student. But he knew, and admitted, that deep inside, a part of him wanted to see him more than ordinary because of his face. The face of a man who he grew more confident everyday that he would never see again.

He had tried to contact their mutual friends, but it was as if they all got the same message- to avoid him at all costs. Even the other’s own sister refused to explain anything to him, only handed over to him the puppy with a piece of paper detailing how to look after it, and then shut the door in his face. He wanted to get angry- he did nothing wrong to deserve being treated like this- yet another part of him reminded himself that everyone did things for a reason. There was no way all of this would’ve happened without a logical reason, and Donghae in all honesty was too exhausted to try and find out. He believed that one day, things would clear up and everything would be back to normal, even if it were a different kind of “normal”.

That day seemed to grow more distanced from the brunette as the days passed, and saw him now sitting in a coffee shop, wondering what to do with the fact that he had forgotten his wallet. He could always call for help from any of his friends. The only problems was, it was past midnight.

Like on instinct, he scrolled down his contact list with one name as his goal.

'Hyukjae'

Before he pressed on the name that was lately always his first choice, no matter for help or to share joy, his thumb paused as his eyes blinked slowly at the name above it. The 20 year old had always chosen to avoid conscious action as much as he could, preferring to wait for something to happen, be it good or bad. It was a defense-mechanism, he supposed, so that if things  _did_  turn out negatively, he wouldn’t blame himself too much. It was a trick that he often performed on himself, and most often worked in a pathetic kind of way.

'Hyuk'

His lips pressed tightly together and he let out a breath heavier than normal. How long had it been… half a year? A whole year? He clicked on the symbol to reveal the history of their messages, and since the last time he did this (which was a few months ago), found himself yet again staring at the long list of one-sided message sent by himself. True, it wasn’t everything he could have done, but Donghae was tired. He didn’t want to face whatever had caused so much frustration and division between them, in fear that it would only lead to worse things. What’s more, his memories of that man were getting fainter with time.

Going back to the main screen as if he was in a hurry to escape, Donghae opened up the message box between him and Hyukjae, mustering up all his effort to persuade the probably asleep man to come and rescue him.

“Hyukkie, where are you?” He stifled a chuckle because this was pretty speechless, even for him. It was the middle of the night, and they both knew Hyukjae wasn’t the type to go partying into these late hours of the day, so it was really quite a pointless question.

“I’m at home. Where are you, idiot?” Donghae pouted. Even if he was right, how dare he call him an idiot? Trying his hardest to push down his habitual feeling of wanting to banter with the other, he quickly explained his situation in the most helpless way possible.

“Why am I not surprised…… I’ll be there in 15 minutes. You can use this time to think about how to remember your wallet in the future.”

Donghae’s pout deepened, but he couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. He knew Hyukjae would always be there for him.

Sure enough, only 11 minutes later (yes, Donghae had been counting), a yawning man dressed in an oversized white jumper and loose grey sweatpants walked through the door. His hair was slightly messy, making Donghae feel guilty for waking him up, but even happier that the other had dragged himself out of bed for  _him_. 

It had been a while since similar situations like this had happened, but Donghae still remembered how content he had felt when...  _he_  had also dropped everything for him in the middle of the night.

Shaking memories off of his mind, the brunette gave his characteristic cat-like smile to the other, attempting to show his gratefulness. He didn’t notice how the standing man’s eyes widened then narrowed ever so slightly.

“You haven’t changed at all, still coming out for a drink even when it gets so late. And haven’t I told you before not to call me… that? Only lovers have nicknames between each other.”

Donghae ignored the teasing joke that the other made at the end of his speech. He was too affected by what he had said at first. It irked him, made him more uncomfortable than he expected to be, until he realised why it sounded so weird.

“What do you mean, I haven’t changed at all?” He asked with a curious face, all hints of joking gone.

The student sitting opposite him tensed up. He tried to relax himself but couldn’t. He had just woken up, he was still not fully clear-headed, and that made him say things which might destroy everything he had done this past year.

“How would you know that I come out for a drink when it’s late, when this is the first time I’ve told you about it? Have you seen me before? Or are you…” He didn’t know how to finish.

Hyukjae suddenly laughed at the other’s seriousness. “Why are you suddenly like this? I just meant, you’ve always been social and out-going even when most people are asleep, so it wasn’t surprising to hear you come to me asking for help at this hour. Speaking of which, how are you going to repay me for my precious sleep?”

Donghae wanted to smack himself for ruining the mood. He had known that he always overthought stuff, why couldn’t he learn to control it after living a whole two decades? He chuckled too, laughing it off, the two boys easily settling into their usual jokes and teasing.

A few months later, Donghae was still spending most of his free time with Hyukjae, talking about their interests, and calling him ‘Hyukkie’. But the latter no longer stopped him from using that nickname, and even began to call Donghae ‘Haek’, to which the brunette wasn’t completely happy about, but accepted it nonetheless.

Because after all, “only lovers have nicknames for each other”.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

He placed his hand on the handle of the front door while attempting to take a deep breath. No matter how many times he told himself he could do this- he _should_ do this- his heart still thudded desperately in his chest, pleading him to stop. But he had put it off for ten years already. For a third of his life, he had been living in a lie, and he didn’t know if could keep on going any longer.

Unexpectedly, startling him way more than it should have, the door swung open and he jerked in surprise. Luckily it opened inwards and not the other way.

“What are you doing there? Come in quickly, all the heat is escaping.” The man was impatient, even more than usual because today was an important day for the both of them.

He swallowed, then stepped inside. His entire life had been pretty easy for him, he had to admit. It was partly due to help he received from others, but also because he had a very logical way of thinking. If an obstacle was met, he could easily see a solution to get past it, if there was one. And if there weren’t, he always found it natural to just accept that fact and move on.

Yet as he stood there biting on his bottom lip, he regretted this ability to see all the options. How he wished that he could lie to himself, that he wouldn’t know which decision would make him suffer more, so that he could continue living in this utopic delusion.

Thoughts may appear to pass quickly, but actions always had the ability to stop them. The door clicked shut behind him before he was turned around and forced to melt instantly in the other’s sweet lips. They somehow tasted even sweeter than usual, and captured all of his attention while his coat was pulled off and he was pressed backwards, staggering into the wall.

The kiss lasted so long he almost forgot about what he had prepared to do, until his unusual lack of response made the other man pull back ever so slightly, barely leaving the older man’s plump lips.

“Do you not like this?” He breathed into him, their bodies fitting perfectly into each other. “I read online that eating a strawberry before kissing will make the taste sweeter… doesn’t it work?”

For a moment he lost himself in those deep, brown eyes. Every second turned more painful as there was now the chance of him losing it all. If he lost him… he didn’t want to consider what he was capable of doing if that happened.

The younger all of a sudden let go of him and ran off, leaving an empty chill in his front where the warm body was no longer present. He had expected this- it was their five-year anniversary after their relationship was legalized on two small booklets- but why did he feel so abandoned even when he knew the other would be back?

Soon the man returned with a camera in one hand. “I know you don’t like me taking pictures of the scenery, but this time it’s of us. You can’t find _this_ on the internet, right?” He smiled, and without waiting for a response, attached their lips once again at a visible angle whilst clicking the shutter repeatedly.

He had only intended to pose for the photo, so when the kiss deepened and he felt the other’s desire enter, he was glad that they were right next to the sofa where he could let the camera fall. His fingers twisted themselves in the other’s dark hair, as tightly as if he was gripping them for his life, because he felt a need to comfort the other’s strange state. He would understand if the man was nervous- he was, too- yet there was something else that came through the kiss which made him frown. They had been together for ten years; he knew him like the back of his hand. So he was most likely unmistaken to find the other as being… scared?

“What’s wrong?” His voice flowed, soothing. Was he perhaps afraid of being caught by their five year old? “She’s upstairs, asleep, so there’s no need to worry about her interrupting us.” The only thing that sometimes frustrated him about their adopted daughter was the need to greatly reduce their more rated actions when she was also in the house. Not that he minded it at all- she was one of the best things that had happened to the both of them.

Even though he knew it couldn’t be that, it was the only possible explanation he could think of. Being thirty years of age, on the night of their five-year anniversary, Donghae really could not think of any reason why Hyukjae looked like he was about to cry.

Without a warning, he found himself pushed away and left alone; staring shocked at the tears running down the other face.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Hae… oh god… I’m so sorry, will you please forgive me…” He had finished indulging in his lover’s lips one last time. Now, was the beginning of something else, where he had no idea what was going to happen.

“Hyukjae… what are you saying?” Donghae felt heartbroken seeing the other like this, and he chose to show it through anger. “Have I ever done anything to make you think that I wouldn’t forgive you? You know, that whatever you do, we can work it out together. Do you not trust me?”

“No… Hae…. I’m sorry…. I mean, I can’t even forgive myself for this, so I don’t expect you to forgive me…” There was still a chance. He could just take all of it back, and lie to Donghae that it was about something else. The mere thought made him nauseous. Was this what he was going to resort to, once again? Was he going to lie every single fucking time? His self-directed disgust ironically made it easier to spill the truth.

“Donghae, I can’t take it anymore. I really can’t. So I will tell you everything, and afterwards… all I hope is that you don’t hate me.” He was crying so hard it was difficult to speak.

Donghae tightened his fists. There it was again- that feeling. Something big was going to happen, and he couldn't do anything except stand back and watch it unfold.

He waited for the other to regain his breath.

“Ok… first, just believe me, and I know it would be pretty ironic to hear this from me after… but just remember that my feelings for you have always been real.”

“I… I was not born with this face. I was involved in an accident ten years ago so I had plastic surgery done. I know you wouldn’t mind my looks anyway but the thing is… I asked to change my face to this exact one because…. I knew about you and Eunhyuk.

Donghae’s breath hitched in his throat, but he willed himself to keep listening.

“I knew about your relationship and I thought that if… if I could be more like him, then you would probably like me more. Since I had to heal my face and vocal chords anyways, I chose to make it the exactly the same as that man’s because, well, you were the first person I ever fell for. I never transferred to your class- I was always in there. But I was a bit antisocial so it’s no surprise that you never noticed me before. … I’ve been hiding this from you all this time and I am really so sorry. I’ve lived with the burden of this secret because I didn’t want to risk our relationship. It has been truly exhausting, and I…” he trailed off. There was nothing to say anymore.

Donghae kept on looking at the other man, at his husband whom he thought was the love of his life. He gazed past the features on his face and wanted to see someone different, just so he could find someone to blame, but unsurprisingly failed. No matter how he looked, this man standing in front of him was no one but his lover, who had cared for him and proved his love in the years they had been together. Who had never done him any intentional harm, and whom he was willing to spend the rest of his life with even after knowing he had been lied to.

A question in his memories that his friends had been discussing popped up, to which he finally had an answer. He had been slightly frustrated then, because he could not remember exactly how he had fallen in love with his husband, but he realised that it didn’t matter. All that mattered was how much they loved each other now, and it was definitely enough to make them stay together till the end of this lifetime.

He was about to tell Hyukjae this when something he was unsure of came to mind. “So is Lee Hyukjae your real name? Or did you change that too?” He didn’t really care what the answer was, just wanted there to be no more secrets between them. 

“Lee Hyukjae is my real name. There wasn’t any need to change my name and I don’t think I was allowed, anyways.” The man was still sniffling, although the other’s lack of anger faintly reassured him.

Donghae was ready to resolve everything if only that small feeling at the back of his mind would stop irking him. There was something not right. Normally he would dismiss it, but tonight he was determined to clear everything up and not allow anything to come in between him and Hyukjae ever again. 

After a minute of concentration, it came to him.

“Hyukjae, don’t worry, I only have one last question.” The taller man visibly relaxed, although still tense. 

“After your accident, when you were going to get plastic surgery, was it necessary for your recovery?”

A dreaded feeling rose in Hyukjae’s stomach. He should have known it would be impossible to hide this from Donghae. But he couldn’t lie anymore. _I’m sorry_ , he thought towards the much older man.

“No, it wasn’t.”

Donghae’s eyes narrowed. “Then… where did you get the money from for a private operation? You were just a student, and a non-funded plastic surgery would have been basically impossible for you to afford. So where did the money come from?”

In his mind, he apologized one last time to the man who he wasn’t able to keep his final promise to.

Hyukjae took a deep breath and replied,

“From Eunhyuk.”


	6. Chapter 6

 

The snow continued to fall silently through the emptiness between dried leaves as the last flame in the fireplace quivered, then snuffed out. Without any more firewood being added, it was natural that the soft sizzle died down, settling the oversized living room of the mansion into a comfortable silence at two in the morning, when everyone was sleeping.

Or so the fire thought, because soon it was caught in surprise from soft thuds on the dark wooden floor, and it hoped that the owner wouldn’t blame it for stopping to do its job when the warmth was clearly needed.

But the dark haired man didn’t seem to notice. He only pulled out a half-empty bottle of wine from the wine rack as quietly as possible, pouring himself a full glass, as if he didn’t know that the price of the blood red liquid was enough to feed an average family of three for a year. It wasn’t like he could do anything about gifts like these luxuries except for drinking them- an activity that was becoming a habit for him these few years in the middle of the night.

The coolness had only touched his lips when he heard someone stirring in the room down the hallway. Whether it was his wife or daughter, he had an explanation ready if either of them saw him like this. However nothing ensued after a dreamy mutter of “Yes, tacos.” floated though the silent house, and Eunhyuk leaned back on the wooden chair to continue with his drink.

It was getting harder for him to sleep at night. He did not have insomnia- it was probably just the stress of work piling up. Yet for some unknown reason those memories kept coming back to him, coming back to  _haunt_  him.

 

***

 

“Eunhyuk-ah, I have an idea, but it’s… ahh nevermind.”

“Sungmin, do you want me to strangle it out of you or do you want to say it yourself now?”

“You’d probably want to strangle me after I say it, anyways.”

“What was that?”

“N- nothing. Ok, before you accuse me of watching too many dramas again,” Sungmin pouted at the memory “just listen to this carefully and, I don’t know, think about it, I guess?”

“So you want me to strangle it out."

“Wait! Patience! Jeez, Eunhyuk. So anyways, you know about that boy who had a crush on Dong… stop glaring at me! This is a fact! It’s not my fault that your boyfriend’s so attractive… you know, your expression changes have the potential to give me a heart attack sometimes. Anyways, that boy recently just got into an accident with one of our workers, and I hear it was pretty bad. This got me thinking, though, and I think I’ve found the perfect solution. You keep on complaining about your relationship and your family and how it’s never going to work out, so I thought… what if… what if you look at it from another direction? What if, you’re not the main lead- you’re just a supporting role? Imagine this- the protagonist of the century, giving up his love for the future of his beloved, helping him get together with someone who  _can_  give him the love he wants… I’m tearing up just thinking about it.”

“This is not some angsty Korean drama, Min. Now stop messing up my head with all these overdramatic drama plots and say what you mean exactly.”

“You’re just too unappreciative to understand what a great director I am. I  _so_  should have taken a major in directing angsty Korean dramas... Ok, ok, I’m getting to it. So that crusher boy- wow that sounds like some KFC drink- so crusher boy is injured pretty badly, you can’t even recognize him. But our worker didn’t have to pay for any plastic surgery expenses, so I guess he’s doing ok at staying alive.  _You’re_  getting pressure from your family about marriage and to be honest I don’t see how Donghae fits into the picture, but what if, you let  _him_  take care of Donghae? What if you tricked Donghae into believing that crusher boy was you, so he’d let you go more easily, and in the end they can live happily ever after.”

“Stop grinning so stupidly. Even if I were to let Donghae go, which I never would, I still don’t see how he’d be blind enough to believe that somebody else was me. And didn’t you say they couldn’t even be recognized? They aren’t getting plastic surgery- which I’m sure they don’t have money for anyways, those overpriced services can only be afforded by someone like…”

Eunhyuk’s eyes widened as everything  _finally_  clicked into place.

“…me.”

 

***

 

His neck arched backward gracefully as the last drop slid down the cold surface and into his throat. If there had been someone else present, they would have marveled at the beauty of his outline in the dark, mysterious yet somehow fragile, and perhaps even ask why he did not hesitate before pouring himself another full glass.

But there wasn’t anyone there.

 

***

 

“Min, have you really thought through all the details about this?”

“Yes, of course I have! What kind of a director do you think I am? The type that doesn’t care about realism and just fits the plot around the drama?”

“… Min, I’m serious.”

“Sorry. But yeah, I’ve talked a little with the boy and even his parents, and they all seem to have nothing against it. I haven’t left any evidence so they wouldn’t have anything on us even if you don’t decide to go through with it, though.”

“I… I trust you, Min. I’ve thought a lot about this and… you were right. I don’t see any other way.”

“Hey, Eunhyuk, don’t be like this. Where’s the confident Eunhyuk I used to know, who could overcome anything in the world and let nothing stop him?”

“Don’t you dare, Sungmin. You were the one who suggested it to me and… even though in the end it’s my decision, I’ll admit that. But you don’t know how hard it was for me to just tell him no to this pet he wanted. I don’t know if I can take it when I have to let even more of him go. So, Sungmin, don’t you  _dare_  make me question what I’m doing even further because I… I really think I’ll just give up on everything and run away with him when I can’t control myself any longer.”

“I’m sorry, Eunhyuk. I won’t joke about it again. I… is there anything else I can do?”

“I don’t want him to have any way of reaching me after we… break up. I’ll take care of my sister and our other friends. Can you do something about his father?”

“Sure. Should I move him to another location?”

“That’s fine. But make it reasonable… give him a promotion or something.”

“Ok.”

 

***

 

The bottle was tilted vertically, and shaken up and down a few times, before he finally accepted the fact that there was none left. His fingers tightened on the wine glass, knuckles turning white while hidden in the darkness. A sliver of moonlight that escaped through the clouds and somehow crept into the room exposed its presence, as it produced an accidental gleam against the silver band on the man’s fourth finger.

He twisted the loose circle around his skin, before sliding it off and holding it up to examine the highly-expensive object.

Because that’s all it was to him- an object.

 

***

 

“How was the surgery?”

“It… it went well. I… thank you so much for paying this for me. I really don’t know how to thank you.”

“I hope you don’t mind your new face. Sungmin has already explained everything to you?”

“Yes…”

“Then you should know that you don’t need to thank me for anything. I didn’t pay it for free.”

“I understand. Sungmin ssi only gave me vague instructions, though, so is there anything specific I should do or be aware of?

“I will send some things to you later on. It might help you to be a better…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. “There are some things he often does, such as forgetting his wallet in the middle of the night, so just be prepared if anything like that happens.”

“Ok.”

“If you have anything urgent, you know my number.”

“Um… one last thing- do you think I should approach him first, or…”

“Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. He likes to be by himself when he’s upset, and… he’s likely to be upset tomorrow. There’s a large chance he’ll be at school early, so you can try make yourself known without causing a disruption with other people around. But don’t reveal anything though, you should know all of that already.”

“I do. I will go early tomorrow, then.”

“Ok. … Good luck, Lee Hyukjae.”

“Thank you, Mr. Lee.”

 

***

 

He put the band back around his finger, and dragged himself out of the chair. He didn’t want to go back to the bed, where there currently lay another person, who thought he didn’t know what she was doing. She was too inexperienced- way too inexperienced compared to him- and made the mistake of trusting someone who was actually secretly indebted to  _him_. Her plans of stealing his part-ownership of the company were indeed flawless, and she might have even come out clean if it weren’t for this mistake. He might have been able to defeat her without dragging her family’s company in and ending all their careers, but now there wasn’t any other option. Outsiders might feel sympathy for marrying such a backstabbing wife, but Eunhyuk actually didn’t mind it. All these “games” gave him something to do, and took his mind off other, much more painful memories.

The only thing he was worried about was how their eight-year-old daughter would take the divorce.

 

***

 

“You did well. How’s your ankle?”

“Bruised pretty bad, but it was worth it. After all, did you see the look on his face? I bet he never thought this was the ‘welcome’ he’d get, haha.”

“Hey, talk like that one more time and I’ll make sure you’re never hired again in your life.”

“…”

“Eunhyuk ssi, forgive me for asking, but can I do anything of assistance? It was already quite confusing for me when you just stood back and not even help the injured lady up, even though now I see that she was probably paid by you to act like that. I have been a manager of the company’s public events even before you were born. I’ve watched you grow up, and not even once have you been this angry in front of me. What is troubling you?”

“I… It doesn’t matter. I know you’re worried about me, and I appreciate that, but there’s nothing you need to know. Can you just… get her out of my sight and…. let me be alone for a while.”

“As you wish, Mr. Lee. I just want you to remember that if you are feeling like you have reached the bottom, it only means that things will get better.”

“Thank you. Now if you could just excuse me…”

 

***

 

His head spun lightly as he convinced himself that he wasn’t drunk. The thuds he made on the floor became heavier and heavier, until he reached the spare room and sat down at the end of the large bed. Fumbling in the darkness, he reached underneath and lifted up a piece of the wood, dust sprinkling around the hole in the floor. His long, pale fingers searched briefly, before pulling out his old phone that he had kept after all these years.

 

***

 

“Hello, Eunhyuk speaking.”

“Mr. Lee, this is reception. You told me to contact you if a person named Lee Donghae came up to us…”

“When did he come? What did he say? Where is he now?”

“Um… he asked to see you, and I told him that he could not enter as per your instructions. He’s still here, actually. Just beside the main doors. He’s talking to someone on his cellphone.”

“He’s… here? Right now? …”

“Is that a question or…”

“Can you hear what he’s saying?”

“He’s too far away for me to hear anything, but he’s frowning and…… he just ended the call. Wait, is he…”

“Is he what? What’s happening?”

“I think he’s… either crying or about to cry. He’s leaving now. … Ok, he’s gone. Would you like me to say something to him or…”

“No, it’s ok. Tell me if he comes again.”

“Yes, Mr. Lee.”

 

…

 

“Where are you right now?”

“What? I’m outside… why?”

“D… he’s pretty upset at the moment. Do you think you can comfort him?”

“But how do I find him? I doubt he’ll pick up his phone since as you said, he likes to be alone when he’s sad.”

“Are you close to Gangnam-gu right now?”

“Yes, there’s really not many places us students can go to without having a car.”

“Come to 106 Cheongdam-dong and you should find him around these streets. Remember, don’t let him know anything about you and me.”

“Ok, ok, I’m on my way. Do you know why he’s upset?”

“Just get here quickly. I don’t want him to catch a cold from crying in the wind.”

“What should I say if he asks me how I found him?”

“Anything! You’re really not so great at making up excuses are you. Say you were walking by and saw him. Coincidences happen.”

“That sounds… oh well, I can’t come up with anything better.”

“….”

“….”

“….”

“Why are you not hanging up?”

“Why are  _you_  not hanging up?”

“I thought… you might have more things to tell me.”

“… I don’t. Where are you now?”

“I just got off the bus and I’m on this street. I can’t see him anywhere, though.”

“He won’t be in any shops, he doesn’t like being around people and showing this side of himself to others. Look around; he should be there. He has to be…”

“I can’t see…… I found him.”

“How is he, Hyukjae?”

“He’s crying.”

 

***

 

He shook his head and focused on the screen, momentarily blinded from the sudden brightness as it was switched on. There was only one person left in the contacts list. One message box left undeleted. He opened it, scrolling through the countless number of message received, uninterrupted by the nonexistent number of message sent by himself. A tear escape down his right cheek and he was held in a trance; held by the person who had stopped sending messages since ten years ago, that he could not escape because his heart had also been given away ten years ago.

 

***

 

“He said yes. He said yes! I can’t believe it! He said yes!!”

“And just why are you telling  _me_  this?”

“I’m so happy! Eunhyuk, he agreed to be my boyfriend!”

“Hooray. I am also jumping in excitement.”

“I’m sorry, I thought you’d want to hear this. After all, isn’t this what you’ve been aiming to do all this time?”

“Hyukjae, just because I’ve helped you in this doesn’t mean I’ve stopped loving him.”

“… I know. Wow, I can see why he fell for you.”

“You do?”

“I can see that you really did love him. But I will love him more. So you don’t need to worry or anything. Not that I’m doing all this for you, but…”

“I know what you mean. Hyukjae, if you weren’t… you, I wouldn’t have been able to let go like this. I still am not able to do it completely, but you definitely make it easier, so thank you.”

“Why are you making it sound so sad. We’ll still talk, right?”

“We wouldn’t need to. You can find out everything about him by yourself now. You can let everything happen naturally and lie less now.”

“Now that we are really together, nothing will break us apart. I’m really sorry about your situation, and I’m glad that I don’t have as many complications in my life. You know that I think your help- both financial and other- was the luckiest thing that ever happened to me, and I would never change anything that happened since you decided to help me. But I’m a little bit curious. Was there really no way at all for you two?”

“No, Hyukjae, there wasn’t. If there was even… the tiniest bit of hope… you wouldn’t have come into the picture at all.”

“You couldn’t have… run away with him? Isn’t that what usually happens in dramas?”

“This is real life. And I would never take his friends and family away from him. My company and money are nothing to me, but there are some things that money can’t buy.”

“I’m really… sorry.”

“Don’t cry. Ah... you two are so similar. There’s one last thing I want you to do for me.”

“Anything.”

“Two things, actually. One, promise me that he’ll never find out about what I did after I disappeared from his life.”

“I promise you.”

“And two… give him the happiness I couldn’t give him. Love him until you die.”

 

***

 

I couldn’t give you the love you deserve,

So let me give it through someone else.

Because no matter what happens,

_I still love you._

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
